Back and Forth

Ed called about a week ago.  Left two messages two hours apart on a Sunday afternoon when he knew he wouldn’t get me.  Seems so weird to not have to hear about his drama.  I am continuing to adjust to normal functioning instead of over functioning and I’m now to the point where I want the rest of his stuff out of my garage.  This is the first year that he hasn’t seen any of my son’s football games or performances.  That part feels wrong and upsetting.  Children should never be punished as a part of divorce but in our case Ed is almost deadened by his addiction. 

I wonder how much longer he’ll survive.  But then I thought his dad was surely dead 12 years ago and he keeps right on going…. I wonder what I will feel like for me when his suffering is over?  Will I have guilt or relief?  Will he finally be at peace?

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