Talking Things Over

Sometimes a girl’s best friend is a recovering addict =)  One of my oldest and dearest friends asked me last night how I was doing with the Ed situation.  I told her about telling him that he had to be honest with me, hanging up the phone and not calling him back.   She told me that telling him that I couldn’t talk to him in his condition was an amazing sign of tough love.  We talked about how much his decision hurt his mom and his family and we talked about how hard it was to lose someone to addiction.   

I wonder sometimes about his motives to use Nancy… which makes me wonder about my relationship with him.  How long did he just see me as the enabler?  How many times did I need to encourage him in his recovery?  I know that his addiction is about him and not about me.  I know that Al-Anon would make some things easier for me.  I also know that recovery Ed was a really good guy, much better than pain pill Marion.

Saturday night I had a terrible nightmare that Ed died.  I dreamt that I got a phone call from the hospital and there was nothing that they could do.  I shot out of bed in a half panic and was comforted back to sleep by my husband.  I wonder if there is any premonition in that or if my subconscious is just preparing my mind for the reality that he truly doesn’t have long for this earth with his lifestyle and choices.

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