Why Wait?

I still don’t know why I waited so long to finalize my divorce.  I think that even though I didn’t want to be with Ed or move back in with him, that I wanted him to be productive.  If I could have imagined that he would end up in this mostly crazy, highly addicted thing with Nancy I think I might have proceeded more quickly.  I wanted a fair and amicable divorce and I wanted Ed to move forward and have a good life.  Instead he is overcome by his addictions, constantly seeking out more narcotics and probably more pornography and spending time at the casino’s.  I can only guess from the fights that I know about that the things between them are poor… I sometimes wonder if there was anything that I could have done differently, but I have to be reminded that I am not stronger than Ed’s addiction and I can’t do things for him anymore, because I have to live my life! 

I wish that he would find a career and make some good decisions for himself, but wishing is all that I can do.

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