Destiny and the Future

This might sound funny or inappropriate or maybe even sad, but…. I knew before I got married to my first husband that it wouldn’t last forever.  Retrospectively I wish I would have never been with him and especially never married him, however, I know that I learned a lot about life and about myself from being with him.

I really learned about what I didn’t want to live like.  The “thrill” and “excitement” that Ed offered in my life were absolutely dangerous and once I matured as an adult and stopped being “bulletproof” I knew that I had to get out, forever.  Even after we left, Ed did everything in his power to bully me. 

It has been a year since we’ve spoken regularly.  Sometimes I hope that he is well, sometimes I hope that he is suffering, something I hope that he will regain his sobriety and have a good life again, sometimes I hope that he’ll die and get it over with and sometimes… sometimes I wish that he will realize all that he has lost and feel terrible.  Heartbroken and miserable, sick from the terrible things that he did to us.  It is a sad thing to wish that someone will grow a conscience.