Big Dreams

I talked to my ex-mother in law yesterday.  Happy Easter right?  She is still such a nice person…. outside of Ed’s addictions I cannot tell you what else went wrong in his life. 

His mom told me about her plans to be done with the her next stage of school in a year (she’s in her early 60’s) and her thoughts about grad school or becoming a nurse practitioner.  She has always worked.  Always.  Sometimes 3 jobs.   His dad owned his own shop for years and was recruited as an import specialty mechanic several times throughout his career.  He was a “functional” alcoholic for many years. 

Both of Ed’s siblings work, and they always have.  He seems to be the odd duck in many ways.  His sister is the only one without any substance abuse problems.  When Ed was in recovery he had big dreams… and I was willing to stand behind him while he made his way into them.  Then his pills got in the way, and I can honestly say, looking back, that I think they got in the way within 6 months of us getting married… and I stayed all those years and watched… it’s just really sickening.  

My big dreams were put on hold.  Now, I’m finally almost done with school and I just feel like so much time and effort were wasted that I can never get back.  I want my future to mean so much more than my past!

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