Love Is a Choice Part II

I’ve been thinking more about Love is a Choice.  If it is your individual choice,  can you be “lobbied” to make a decision.  Even though love is a choice, can someone in effect make you love them OR can they make you believe that you are their lifeline?  If there are psychiatrists and psychologists who believe that you can be emotionally blackmailed can you similarly be bullied into a commitment?

The day that Ed and I got married I wanted to pull out.  Similarly, before we were married, about a month after we’d been living together I wanted to get away.  He was a total control freak and I fell right into his lap!  I like to think I was young and stupid, and I believe there was really a period in time that I thought I could change him and make him into a better person.  His family had the same faith that I could do it.  Once I realized how bad things were I went through a pattern of things to get him to leave me.  I was trying hard to choose not to love him and he would draw me back in.  He knew my secrets, he took care of my son, I had made him deals about school and work and he convinced me that I was the one who wasn’t holding up my end of the deal.  

When I look back on it I can agree that I was abused.  Verbally, physically, emotionally.  But I can’t believe how deeply the hooks were planted in me.  And I honestly can’t believe how hard it was for me to leave and be done, all those years after I had made the choice without his influence to not love him.


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