The Three R’s

I had a fun conversation with a good friend recently.  She bumped into Ed and he decided to lay the blame for all the bad things in his life on me, but what the heck, I’ve got broad shoulders I can take it.  One of the things that he said was that I couldn’t let him go.  But see, I have let him go.  I haven’t spoken to him since October.  I haven’t called him since September and that was after I scraped him off the streets and sent him to his mom.  And, even though I have “let him go” I’m still working on my own closure.  My first marriage was a DOOZY and it won’t be an overnight fix.  I have moved on to a new life, but that doesn’t erase all those bad things.

So here it is… my greatest wish for Ed is for the three R’s =) 

1 – Respect – for the sacrifices that I made and for all the time and effort I put in helping him reach his dreams.  He didn’t get through college on his own and I saved his life when he was sick.  I respect him for the time that he spent raising my son, he can respect what I did for him.  He can also respect me enough to apologize for lying about his relationship with Nancy while I was helping him with bills while he got established with his new job.

2 – Remorse – This is closely tied to respect, but I do want Ed to feel remorseful for the things that he did to me.  I was abused, I was controlled, threatened, chastised and otherwise mistreated.  At the end of the time that we were living together he was lying and sneaking around about any number of things that he knew he shouldn’t be doing.  In 2000 I made terrible mistakes that nearly destroyed our marriage but I was remorseful and I made every effort that I could think of to get our lives back on track.  I did the crime and I did the time.

3 – Rehabilitation – I really want Ed to find a program.  Inpatient, outpatient, detox, methadone clinic, 12 steps, I really don’t care what it is.  But at this point he is nearly destitute, and while I know that it isn’t my fault, and I have no control over the bad decisions he is making it really does break my heart, because I knew what he could be and I don’t want the addictions to take that person away forever, these 5 years have been long enough.

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