Selfless Happiness

Funny title I know.  I was thinking this morning about being happy for someone even when their decision has a negative effect on your life.  Read it a couple more times, I had to re-write it a bunch of times to get it to register.

Ed has left me messages telling me that he wants me to be happy – I still want him to be miserable.  I still don’t really have closure, and I still have his crap in my garage and my laundry room.  And I want to be RID of it.

When my dad was dying this summer my stepsister and my stepbrother both made comments about how happy he made my stepmother’s life.  Most of my life I have focused on the decline they experienced.  How they struggled, how I wouldn’t want my life to be the way that theirs was.  They didn’t know if they would have enough money to get by, and most of the time they didn’t.  Neither of them particularly like working, they prefer to read, watch television, chat,  and they cook and clean as it suits them, not as a regularly scheduled part of life.  All of these things have driven me crazy at different points in my life, and I spent a lot of time wanting them to just grow up and be normal people.  But hearing the extension of my family, who lived in the situation and watched as things went on for over 22 years I realized that even though they weren’t living the life I would have chosen for them or for myself, they were happy, in their own weird way.   My stepsister and my stepbrother learned to be happy for their happiness even if they were disappointed in their situation, and I hope that someday, I can reach the same place with my dad’s choices and ultimately with Ed’s.

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