Archive for January, 2011

A Note From Nancy

January 26, 2011

So, over the weekend I got an e-mail from Nancy (you cannot even imagine my surprise!)…. and I’m just not sure what to believe.  You see, I spent 13 years with Ed, so I know that one of the “expectations” is that whoever he is with will lie for him.  As you know from my 2 year’s of posting I told plenty of lies to people who cared about me about things not being as bad as they were AND about who Ed really was.  I was so good I could even lie to myself about that one!

According to Nancy she and Ed have broken up, which was something that I suspected long ago.  According to Ed he got a new car.  My husband and I have both seen a person who looks oddly similar to Ed, in a car that looks quite similar to a car parked in front of Nancy’s house on a regular basis.  But that could be a coincidence…. it’s hard to know.

According to Nancy she tried everything that she could think of to make sure that Ed had ample opportunity to see my son.  According to Ed when he was supposed to go to something that my son was doing Nancy had made plans ahead of time to do something else.

I have posted before that when you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas.  I can say from personal experience that when you run with liars, you learn not only to lie, but also to believe the lies, because more often than not, it is easier than accepting the truth and coming to terms with the reality.  So is Nancy’s story real???? I guess I’m not sure yet… and I don’t know how to ask her to prove it.

Jar of Hearts

January 19, 2011

Ok now that I can finally listen to it without bawling – I wanted to share this awesome song from Christina Perri:

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love
I loved the most

I learned to live, half a life
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
Runnin’ round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live, half a life
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises

And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

Who do you think you are
Runnin’ round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are?
Runnin round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Dream Interpretation

January 17, 2011

I had the WEIRDEST dreams over the weekend!  Friday night I dreamt that my husband and I have moved into a new house (it was GORGEOUS!) and we were allowing Ed to come to our house to do his laundry.  That isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds, but it may be my brain trying to get him to get the rest of his “mess” out of my garage and laundry room. 

In my dream I had a group of girlfriends over.  We were planning something (I’m not sure what) and drinking wine.  When Ed was downstairs he somehow broke the washing machine and my girlfriends lifted it up in the air (super women!) so that my husband could fix it ( he has been responsible for much of my emotional repair and healing since leaving Pain Pill Marion).

When we got back upstairs, Nancy the Whore was in my kitchen.  I tried to be as “cool” about it as possible but then she made some snarky comment about how if it was her life and her house she would do things differently or better than I could.  I got up from the living room, went into the kitchen, took the wine glass and dumped it out, then escorted her from my house.  When we got onto the deck I pinned her down on the ground and explained that it would never be her house or her life.  I told her I never wanted to see of hear from her again and I told her that she should be ashamed of herself for all the terrible things that she had done.  Then I dragged her to her feet and walked her out to her outdated black Cadillac. 

Of course she called the police =)  Right before I woke up I imagined how my friends spoke with the officer and how I wasn’t ticketed for anything, but Nancy was ticketed for trespassing. 

My guess is that this was my subconscious way of controlling them in my life.  I was the one in control, I maintained the upper hand and I was able to remove them both from my home.  Also, I didn’t get into any trouble for pushing them away from me.  While interesting, and somewhat amusing, I feel better, and more empowered again!

Saturday night I dreamt that Ed came over to ask me for help with something.  I told him no and then I came him a hickey so that Nancy would think he was sleeping around.  Warped?  Maybe.  Funny? Definitely!  Witchy Ex-Wife?  That would be me =)  I guess even though I want to compartmentalize them in my life, I still want him to pay!

Consistency

January 11, 2011

I watched Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab again last night, even though I only know who a few of the people are this season.   This is silly, but I bawled my eyes out.  Dr. Drew met with Jeremy London (I don’t know why he is famous) and his wife (who is a victim of bad plastic surgery) to talk about the most important thing in his life being his son and how he would plan to see him whenever he could, even with their divorce.

It made me think about the promises that Ed made to me and his lack of concern about walking away from his responsibilities without even saying goodbye.  While it is good for my son to be free of the sick addict behavior that Ed was displaying so regularly, it is still sad that it all happened without any closure and that parts of it were so unexpected.  

In a million years, I would never have guessed that Ed would end up with a Cougar/Sugar Mama – especially one so old and wrinkly.  But then, I never guessed he would give up his last child either, and it seems as though he did that without even thinking about it.  At least he is consistently doing stupid things.