Security

It’s funny, but it’s not.  When Ed and I were together there were so many times that we had NOTHING.  I’m sure that my son remembers some more than others.  He was never put to bed hungry but he knew we lived on a tight budget with limited resources.  Sadly, those times with nothing have made certain things weird in my current life.

My freezer and pantry are STUFFED to overflowing, because I have money to buy groceries every week AND because we are home for only one meal a day.  Don’t get me wrong, I pack a breakfast and a lunch to take to work everyday and my husband often takes leftovers for lunch but there isn’t someone at home snacking at all hours of the day and night like there was with Ed. 

In addition to stockpiling necessities I try hard to pay ahead on our bills and to keep plenty of money in the savings account.  All that time with a destitute man compromised my security and in some ways my trust.  I feel like I have to keep a tight watch on the things that money takes care of and sometimes I don’t feel like I can relax all the way.  Even though I have security now, and I know, in my heart that I will for the rest of my life, the fear still ebbs in and I feel driven to have more than I need for times when there will be nothing, like a squirrel saving nuts for the winter!  I wonder how long it will take for that to go away.

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