Waiting for the Other Shoe

It’s been nearly a year since I’ve heard from Ed.  Even though I wonder about the decisions that he is making and hope that he has taken the time to break free of his addictions, it is sometimes as though I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I’m waiting for his angry outbursts, waiting for him to scream, to jump out of the shadows swinging and sometimes, I am surprised when he isn’t there to do it.  On the other hand I am  surprised that I was able to stand up to him and tell him no more, and walk away instead of watching him self-destruct.  It’s a funny thing waiting, hurting, recovering, and walking away.  Two years ago I was furious, cheated, cut down, battered.  Today I’m ready for spring, a beautiful transition without fear.  Without anger.  Without manipulation and intentional pain.  Without addiction.

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