Archive for January, 2012

Honesty and Recovery

January 30, 2012

Yesterday morning at church our interim pastor asked a few people to share their God stories as part of the church service.  One woman told us about God finding her while she was in jail for a drunken driving arrest.  I know – everyone can find God in jail but listening to her recovery story made me remember all the things that I loved about NA.

I’ve never been in recovery.  It’s not that I haven’t been a party girl.  I’ve tried and given up a lot of things.  But I’m lazy – so if there is any work at all associated with getting high, I’m just not interested.  I also have a fear of needles and police officers, so I’ve lived a tame life by some standards and a WILD life by others. 

Hearing her story took me back to NA and AA dances, speaker meetings, state conventions and the JOY and HAPPINESS that people felt at having their lives to live free of the chains of addiction.  I met one of my dearest friends because she dated Ed’s sponsor for a while.  Good things came into my life because of Ed’s recovery and I still pray that he will find his way back to a program that can give him a chance at happiness.  When Ed was happy with his recovery our lives were good, when he wasn’t they were rough, and when he went back to using it almost killed us both.

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Another Year Older

January 16, 2012

It’s funny.  I’m 35 now.  That used to seem much older than it does now.  My son is touring colleges again this week.  17 years ago I had just finished college and was working full-time as a CNA.  I would have never imagined that I would have stayed in health care all this time and chosen this field for my undergraduate degree. 

My new year feels a bit clunky so far.  I’m dragging around some old resentments and trying to decide what I really want to do and be.  I am supposed to start grad school in two months and I’m struggling with what program is right.  This summer will be 10 years in the same job and I just feel like I want something different but I don’t know what…. and I want to have  more experiences.

Maybe it’s winter boredom.  Maybe 35 is a time to assess and plan.  I have 30 years or more left in the work force and I need to plan out where my place will be.  I just feel unsettled at the moment and I’m not sure what decision will serve me best!