A New Year – A New Me

I haven’t posted forever – this Friday (2/15) would have been my 16th wedding anniversary if I had stayed married to Ed.  It’s funny – I’m not in contact with anyone from that day except people who are related to me. 

I watched a LOT of television the last several months while recuperating from surgery, and saw my fair share of true crime.  Snapped, Solved, Disappeared, 48 Hours Real Mysteries, even a few episodes of Hardcover Mysteries.  In MANY of these cases the women were abused, everyone in their life knew it and they thought they are doing a bang-up job of covering it up and pretending that nothing was wrong.

Wow – I can totally relate to that.  I can honestly say that I didn’t realize how bad things were when I was living it.  And I can only hope that my friends and family didn’t know what was going on in my life and how bad I let it get, because honestly, it is completely embarrassing.  Ed controlled what I did, who I saw, where I went, when I returned, and mastered the art of making me feel stupid and then perfect in regular intervals.  A few weeks ago my husband paid me a really lovely compliment, except that it was EXACTLY something that Ed had said to me for years.  I almost didn’t know how to reply.  I wanted to jump from the car screaming even though I know that I am safe and loved now. 

Seeing all of those women hurt, or pushed to the point where they hurt someone else made me realize how lucky I am to be out.  I’m of course glad to be away from all the manipulation but I can easily imagine how bad things would have continued to be and how they would have escalated with just the two of us alone in the house. 

Today I am SO GRATEFUL that I got divorced, that I had support when I left, and that I am free to enjoy life!

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