Archive for July, 2013

Flashes of Abuse

July 5, 2013

Yesterday afternoon, during a brief break from yard work, homework and party preparation I watched a few minutes of a Lifetime movie (shut up, there was nothing on) about a husband and wife from Canada who were charged with murdering 3 or 4 young women.  I remember watching other news about the story, and I know I have read about them (I used to be a true crime buff) but seeing the way that he treated her, I remembered all my years of walking on eggshells.  In the brief section of the movie that I saw, he beat her and then yelled TERRIBLE things at her and was throwing her out of the house, until she called her parents and they arrived to rescue her.  Then his miserable mood changed on a dime, he told her that she could never survive without him and then blackmailed her to stay and threatened to tell people about the bad things she had done.

It was so familiar.  People make mistakes, and an abuser takes advantage of those mistakes and uses them to threaten, embarrass and destroy the psyche of their victims.  While I am still very ashamed that I was tricked by Ed into being with him and staying with him, I know that he wound a very careful web of control and manipulation.  I know this sounds crazy, but often it was as though he knew exactly what to say or do to put me in the position that he wanted.  Ever after we moved out he was able to maintain a frightening degree of control. 

I am so glad that I have escaped.  That I am re-married, happy, and treated like a princess.  We have a good life.  One that is safe.  One with financial security.  One where I would never be threatened with anything.  A love in which I am nourished, protected, provided for and treated as an equal.  One in which I never have to fear.