Archive for December, 2013

I Am Leading a Happy and Full Life

December 31, 2013

2014 will be such an amazing year!  I will cross the stage for my Master’s degree in less than one month.  Amazing!!! I really can’t believe how far I have been able to come.  I am training for two different events, I have wonderful friendships, a supportive husband who loves me and will do anything to make my life easier, a successful son who is thriving in college, a boss who thinks I am capable of anything, a home that I love and more blessings than I can count.

I know that my success in jumping out of an abusive, alcoholic marriage is the exception and not the rule.  This June will mark 9 years since I left Ed.  Sometimes it feels like it’s been longer.  Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday.  I talked to my son last week while we got ready for Christmas.  About the ways that addiction changes people.  About the ways that marriages fall apart.  About the good memories, the days before the narcotics, the chronic pain, the unwillingness to come to terms with problems.

My son will be 20 this spring.  That is how old I was when I married Ed.  Even though I thought I was ready, I can admit now that I wasn’t.  Now as an adult, with success under my belt, with an education, with years of employment, with nurtured relationships, I know what it takes to build and sustain a successful marriage.  To grow a relationship.  To love other people and to let them into my life.  When I was 20 I was unprepared to be an adult and, even though he was 12 years older, Ed imagined that the world would simply take care of him.

When I was married to Ed there was fear, scarcity, desperation.  I have been able to walk away from those things.  I can let go of material possessions and know that they are just things.  I can fall asleep without worrying about the electric bill.  All our bills are paid on time, collectors don’t call and I’m not afraid.  I am in a different place and I feel like a different person. 

I will blog more in 2014.  About success, and achievement.  Maybe some of the confessions of being an abused spouse.  Maybe the challenges of being in a relationship with someone who was in recovery and slips away from their sobriety.  Maybe about how hard I will train for my first half marathon and triathalon.  Maybe about learning who I really am!

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