Posts Tagged ‘Divorce’

Why I Avoid Valentine’s

February 14, 2014

Ed and I were married the day after Valentine’s.  If we were still together this would be our 17th wedding anniversary.  For those who are interested – the gifts for the 17th wedding anniversary are shells or furniture.  That seems like SUCH a long time.  We split up for a while after 3 years of marriage, but I was afraid and in pain, and in a terrible place in my life so I went back.  After 5 years of marriage I knew it was over but the divorce waited until the 11th year. 

Because of our anniversary and that painful, destructive, emotional time in my life it is almost as though I shut down during Valentine’s.  I don’t really want to celebrate.  The “romantic” part is absent because so many of those years were spent in fear or frustration. 

This definitely isn’t fair to my husband, but I seem unable to pull away from that part of my life.  I keep thinking each year that I will want to celebrate.  I know that I’m safe, that I’m loved, that I have a support system, but those old days still sit in the back of my mind.  While I feel that I have moved forward and am able to enjoy life, that abused girl still lives in my soul, reminding me of the mistakes of my past.

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